It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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