i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
