dude i'm inner monologue high
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
