Dual....:-)
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize