I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I understand Curling. That high.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
