i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize