i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Randomize
