dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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