I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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