im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
