Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
