You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
