I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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