imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
