There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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