Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
