This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
