Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
