hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
