i need an iv and a liver transplant
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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