Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
