dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
