From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
