Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
