I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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