any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
