i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize