the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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