I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
