Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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