he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
