I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize