I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize
