So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
