Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
