Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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