Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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