I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
