she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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