...so i touched it.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Oh god it's open bar.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
