Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
