i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
