I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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