Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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