I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
