I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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