let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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