how can u be prego again
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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