My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
