I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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