I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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