my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
