I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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