I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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