M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
