At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
