...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
