they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize