I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
