Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
