The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
