My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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