I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
