I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
