you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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