just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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