I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
