Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
