Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
