I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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