perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
