booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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