My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
